Hello! Let’s have a real and raw talk about communication in human relationships. Animals just read you like a book, so no need to go there! It’s us humans that kind of complicate things *a bit* more. 🙂 Especially in romantic relationships!
Let’s use an example to illustrate different ways of communicating. Let’s say that your partner is always working and you have little time to enjoy your relationship. When things get too uncomfortable for you to ignore, you might be on the verge of saying something like “You’re never home! I never see you!”. And you probably know that that’s headed for trouble, as an attack-defense mechanism is about to get triggered.
There’s a way for you to communicate what you’re feeling without it coming across as blaming someone else or making them feel that they’re doing something wrong (or not right).
You can just focus on yourself and express how you’re feeling, without saying it’s their fault, as that will just make them feel defensive and close the communication right there. Also remember that your feelings depend on your interpretation of something, the meaning you gave to what happened, which means you can always choose to interpret things differently and feel differently too.
That also implies that it is not something (or someone) outside of you that’s making you feel that way.
And that gives you an immense degree of control and empowerment, because if it’s your interpretation of something that is causing you to feel a certain way you don’t like, if you change that interpretation (or look for other ways to see what happened), then you also change the way you feel about it and you can choose how to respond in order to move you towards your desired outcome (which may be feeling loved and appreciated).
In the previous example of you not spending time with your partner because he/she is working all the time, you could say instead “I feel unimportant and that I come second every time you stay late at work. I know it’s not your intention, but it’s how it makes me feel.”. With this you opened communication on what bothers you without attacking the other person, and the two of you can now be open and authentic as to the reasons why both of you do what you do and how you feel about it.
If you feel you already have too much baggage to just open up completely, then I strongly recommend using the Forgiveness Energy Clearing Audio to release those charged emotions and clear those past hurts.
5 Different love communication styles, the 5 Love Languages
Another important thing to have in mind is that we all have different ways to express and perceive love (in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic). In the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, he explains we each have one or two main ways that we express love to others, and those are also the gestures we interpret as being loving signs when we receive them. Here are the 5 main ways:
- Words of affirmation: you demonstrate your love through praise, appreciation, words of affection.
- Acts of service: you like to do things, like help with tasks or projects, to demonstrate your love.
- Receiving gifts: you like to give little (or big) thoughtful gifts as tokens of your love.
- Quality time: you show your love by spending quality time with your loved one, no distractions, full presence for each other.
- Physical touch: you show your love by physical touch, which can be as simple as a hand touch or a hug.
So, in the previous example, the person who works all the time may express and perceive love through acts of service, and working hard to provide a better lifestyle may be the way to show that love. If the other person in the relationship expresses and perceives love through quality time, you can see the conflict right there!
But if each of them is aware of their own main love language as well as the other person’s love language, and they use authentic communication to ask for what they want, they can be creative and find ways that each can have its needs met and the relationship can flourish.
See how this relates to you and your relationships, not just romantic, but all the important relationships in your life. Scientific studies show time and time again that our relationships are the most meaningful area of our lives and they are the basis for a happy, healthy and fulfilled existence. So, well worth clearing your past baggage and learning how to be honest, authentic and aware of how to convey your feelings to other human beings! Hope you get filled to the brim with that love! ♥
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